Pappa wants mamma naked
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
