I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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