i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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