I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
