I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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