was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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