Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
