Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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