we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
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you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
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No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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