forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
