he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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