I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
