In the future we'll all be gay
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
