Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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