ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She's the barista slut.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
