I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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