sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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