i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Randomize
