It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize