i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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