my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
the raccoons are back...
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