I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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