3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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