omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
