I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Randomize
