the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
