im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just cut my nipple shaving
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
