Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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