I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We named our party play list daddy issues
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
