i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
