Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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