I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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