i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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