I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
