When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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