I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
