then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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