i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize