You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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