I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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