Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Green mimosas i think yes
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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