Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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