Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
