He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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