dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
