so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
