Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
