dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
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I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
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He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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