With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
