So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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