maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
