I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
