I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
