Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
