did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
