What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
