i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
