READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
