I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
